I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Life has gotten very confusing all of a sudden, as if I've walked from the peak of the mountain, where the air is bright and clear, down into the depths of a thick and impenetrable cloud. I've lost focus. My path hasn't changed, but my motivation has.
Few people relish the thought of being abandoned by those they hold dear. But people must be allowed to make their choices, to stay or to go. Love means freedom, and true friendships - even the closest of them - are not cages. Those of us left behind must find the will to carry on, even when the footsteps we are used to hearing beside us have faded away into the distance. But we will hear the echo of them in our hearts for a very long time.
We wanted a simple life, free of the chains of working drudgery that promises happiness and delivers only dissolution and a wasted youth. We wanted a home of our own. A place that would welcome us no matter what, a home waiting for us at the end of all our adventures. But the adventures ended almost before they had begun. At least, the adventures that might have been shared, treasured, cherished by two hearts.
I'm sad. A bit broken, if truth be told. Many nights I don't sleep. Many days I stare at walls and think of nothing. At work, I function on autopilot, the perfect retail robot chirruping out cloying, high-pitched tones, no longer hearing the sound or meaning of my own words. Silence and stillness in a world of noise and movement. Like shadows of darker days, memories I've long sealed and buried.
Life goes on, and so must I. Even if I seem to have lost the map.
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