Retail Therapy

It seems the holidays are only becoming increasingly focused on shopping, on acquiring more and more items under the pretense of “gifting.” Multi-billion dollar marketing campaigns encourage the masses to throw all caution to the wind, max out their credit cards, and engage in some old-fashioned retail therapy. Because #holidaycheer, am I right?

So if you like the idea of being stampeded by frenzied shoppers the day after expressing gratitude for what you already have, then it might be a good idea to examine your reasons for doing so. It seems the older I get, the less interested I become in mainstream commercialist sensibilities. I’ve experienced the “shopping high” that comes with purchasing an item, often followed by regret. That regret can happen upon reaching the car, or later, when I look at my credit card statement and am boggled by how much money I spent for such a seemingly minor return. Even if the items purchased are gifts, I've realized it’s unwise to spend more than I can afford on something generic or forgettable. These “token gifts” are often unwanted anyway, as people’s tastes become increasingly specific.

These days I try to give gifts that I think will have a more lasting impact, or are more personalized. I will hand make things for people - typically things that I know are both beautiful and useful. Or I will find another way to express love and fondness through giving of my time, my talent, my care and concern - reaching out to people in a way that is expressly for them. That’s not to say I won’t give people purchased gifts at all - I mean, I love receiving a well-thought-out present as much as the next person.

But to make the holiday too much about buying things, to bow to the mounting pressure of retailers, who are madly trying to convince you you’re a terrible person if you don’t go all out with Christmas shopping every year, is an unfortunate mistake. The important thing to keep in mind while you’re doing (or not doing) your holiday shopping this year, is that what makes us happy in our lives is never going to be items found in a store. They can certainly make us more comfortable, or bring us fleeting moments of joy, appreciation, or fun, but they will not produce a happiness that lasts. True happiness stems from belonging, from purpose, and from loving and being loved.

The holidays should remind us of this essential truth. Physical items will not fill the void within each of us, and Black Friday’s siren song should be seen for what it truly is - an expensive distraction from the hard truths we would be better off paying attention to. My suggestion is to find a way to love and serve others this holiday season, whether that’s through volunteering, random acts of kindness, arranging a coffee date with someone you haven’t spoken to in a while, baking cookies for your friends, spending time with loved ones, or even just taking a moment to sit quietly and think about what you might have become very skilled at distracting yourself from.

Frugality

I'm not sure when I became so frugal. Whether I've been that way all along, or if I became more and more so when I failed to see any appreciable difference in my happiness levels buying into a life of commercialism vs. living more within my means. In fact, I feel happier being a cheapskate (within reason) than going out and splurging on purchases I know I'll regret later, once the retail rush wears off.

For example, I've always tended to put my money toward things that will give me more of a happiness ROI, and skimped on things that don't seem to matter to me that much. Shampoo and conditioner, for example. A $2.50 bottle of Garnier Fructis or whatever's cheapest (besides Suave; even I won't stoop so low as to use Suave) seems to suit me just as well as any of the few times I've borrowed a dollop of my sister's $15 a bottle "salon quality" shampoo.

Also, clothes. Clothes are clothes. I don't care about brands that are supposedly stylish and trendy. Why should I? They cost 10 times as much as the clothes at Goodwill or other thrift stores, and I don't enjoy them any more than the latter. I just pick out what I like from affordable second hand stores and leave it at that. I don't think I've ever spent more than $12 for a pair of jeans. I generally get my shoes second hand, too, and probably the only time I've had anything "nicer," they were given to me as a gift.

Books? Second hand. Or the library. Hoopla or any other number of apps that work via the local library system are an amazing resource for free ebooks, audiobooks, music, and movies.

Car? The current one I have, I bought from my sister for $1170. It's a 2001 Toyota Camry with over 200,000 miles. Is it a nice car? Eh. Do I care? Not really. It gets me from point A to point B, it's reliable, fuel efficient, and I only pay $30/month for insurance. Most importantly, it's paid off. Sounds like a good deal to me.

Here's a big one. Food. Most people don't realize how much it costs to dine out all the time, or even just to get coffee a few days a week. That's because the money is spent in little bits and pieces, not all in one go. But if you were to sit down and start adding up how much you've spent over the course of a month on your McDonald's and Starbucks runs, there's a good chance you'd be shocked at how much these seemingly insignificant purchases end up costing. Starbucks 3 days a week, at the average cost of $4-$5 per stop? Almost $60 over the course of a month. Don't get me wrong; I like going out for coffee as much as anyone. But I keep it as a special treat, not a routine thing. I might go out for coffee once every couple of weeks, but for the most part, I make my own coffee at home.

Need espresso quality coffee? Can't live without it every single day? Invest in a Brevel. Learn how to use it. Can't live without a stylish-looking Starbucks cup in your hand? Buy a reusable one, make your own coffee at home. I'm talking thousands of dollars saved per year. The math doesn't lie.

While we're still on the topic of food, figure out grocery items you can buy that are both cheap and nutritious. Less packaged food, more dried or canned goods like rice and beans. Rice is inexpensive, and makes a great base for a nearly infinite variety of meals from all different types of cuisines. Rice and beans together are a complete protein. Veggies? Get them from a discount grocery store like Grocery Outlet, or better yet, from a farmers market.

Also, when you cook, make a big batch and eat it for a few days. Hate eating the same thing days in a row? Stock up on individual serving size food containers with lids, do a cooking day in which you make five to seven different meals, portion them out into the containers, and freeze them. This is a great idea if you work a lot, and don't have time to cook. Extremely affordable, and will save you from being caught unprepared and having to make unexpected fast food stops.

All this scrimping and saving should ultimately have some goal in mind, so what are my goals? My number one goal is to ultimately find myself in a situation where I'm able to live with extremely low monthly expenses (i.e. utilities, property taxes, insurance, etc.), such that I'm able to do what I enjoy doing and work where I enjoy working, in the amount with which I am most comfortable. To me, that should be the ultimate goal of life - prioritizing meaningful work, creativity, family/friends, and enjoyment of life, vs. keeping up with the Jones's, and having to be a workaholic in a job you hate in order to maintain a lifestyle that costs too much to ever be sustainable.

Obviously, this all seems very simple, and a lot of people's situations are far more complicated, especially when you add in things like student loan debt and mortgage payments. But still, the principles listed above are sound, and can be applied to these scenarios as well. If you're able to save even a few hundred extra dollars a month, and put it toward some sort of goal, you're doing something a lot of people aren't willing to do. I think it's important to consider first and foremost your life's priorities. Is it more important to you to have nice things, or to keep up with the ever-changing trends? Or is it more important to live within your means, and prioritize the things money can't buy, such as your health, your relationships, and your mental well-being?

Whistling Echoes

I thought of Dad today, unexpectedly. Since my mom and sister moved to the new house, I've been alone, looking after the old place until we can sell it. It's very peaceful and quiet, which I like.

I was walking through the long open space between the kitchen and great room, heading toward the front door, when I absently started whistling. It was a tune from Phantom of the Opera, which caught me off guard for two reasons: 1) I hardly ever whistle anymore, and 2) I somehow unconsciously picked a tune Dad always seemed to be whistling, one of his go-tos. I was well into it before that double whammy registered, whistling into the open, echoing stillness of the high ceiling, slurring the notes together, just like he used to do.

It's funny, the things people leave behind. Their essences. In my case, it's hereditary. We whistle the same way because we're related. Seven years he's been gone. Nearly everything he ever owned - everything that was distinctly his - is now gone. Sold, donated, changed beyond recognition. The things that will never die are more deeply ingrained. The people who were dearest to him, that will never forget him. The people who will keep him alive as long as they themselves live.

It makes me consider how other people will remember me, the sort of legacy I want to leave behind. What little things will trigger memories for them, happy or sad or somewhere in between. I wonder how I might live on in the lives of others, years after I'm gone.